Wednesday, April 21, 2010

love beyond borders

love beyond borders by lovely simbulan

would you dare to be in a totally different world? a place where people’s actions are opposite to yours? well, you’re answer might be yes for the sake of adventure or no, because you’re afraid. either way, it’s still not easy to decide.

it's never easy to keep a relationship to the extent that two different people decide to get married and stick to their vows for the rest of their lives. there are people who have found their significant other in the most unexpected places and situations.

love can start with friendship then dating and courtship. at this stage we can get to know the person, his likes or dislikes etc. but how about if that person you are seeing with is from another race or culture? would it be easier if he is from the same country as yours? somehow, there will be similarities but for most parts, differences will surface.
who would expect that after two years of being unattached, that i would be dating again? all i was after was to earn and save so i can start my own business when i come back home. but a new friendship had blossomed into something more romantic. at first, most of my friends were not in favor because he’s a foreigner. but then i still proceeded because i felt happy and i thought it would be worth the try. it’s different when he was courting me because of the context we’re at. we were in a place where they have strict rules for both men and women; we cannot show affections to one another when we go out in public unless we’re married; however he still made an effort to show his love to me. he cooked for me and helped me with some chores in the house for the first few months when we’re going out. yet, as time went by he got so into his hobby and work had made him short-tempered. i've adjusted according to his schedules so we could still meet and hang out even for a quick snack and it went on like that. at time, i have asked myself why i was doing that, but then i realized it’s because i loved him.

after a year, we went to our separate vacations. he went to his country. after three months, i went back home. i've wanted him to come and visit my place, but there were other things which he had to fix in his house so he was not able to. our communication lines were open though we’re apart, then it got hectic when i went. he would sometimes play games rather than talk to me so i've decided to give him the time that he wanted. one day, an old acquaintance came and confessed his feelings for me. i told him that i couldn't return the same feelings to him because i have someone in my life. he said he's not waiting for anything and just let him show how much he’s fond of me. he said he will wait and pray for me.

it’s time for me to return to work. my guy was waiting for me, yet i felt i was not really thrilled to see him. my best friend has noticed the change in me and so with him. hence i told him about this guy from home. he asked me if i also liked the guy, i said no, but that my family liked him. i asked for a time off, for me to think things over. i didn't know but i felt unsure about my current relationship, maybe because i was uncertain whether my partner had any plans about our future. before he agreed to give me this time, he told me everything he had realized when i was gone. he told me that he wanted to change and that he has lots of plans about us. he said that i just went and made a decision without telling him, that i suddenly altered myself and he didn't know what to do. he apologized for being insensitive and he said he wanted me to stay. he also said how he wished for me to be the mother of his children and how he couldn't stand a day without me. all these came rushing like a lightning and then i got confused. “why only now?” i asked him. “why just now when i had waited for you to tell me about your plans and the things your heart felt for a year and a half? “ all of a sudden i thought that perhaps he's now scared that there's a possibility of losing me. that’s why he’s saying all these. nevertheless, he had given me the time i asked and he said that whatever is my decision he would accept. i couldn't help but cry, and tears fell from his eyes as well. i just couldn't comprehend why this had to happen. i still loved him but my dilemma was that i was not sure if he could really keep his word that he’s ready to change; apart from my family who i also didn't want to disappoint. as a saying goes, it’s easier said than done.

we, filipinos can easily adapt to changes, wherever we are or whoever we’re with. we are naturally hospitable and sensitive. sensitive in a manner that we don’t want our friends or loved ones to feel off or uneasy when they are with us. we always want to show them that we care or know what they feel. that’s our culture. although being with someone from another country is fun since it’s an adventure but utterly arduous, it requires an enormous amount of patience and sacrifice if we wanted to get involved with anyone of them.

for girls, it’s so important to have definite plans, especially in our relationships. we wanted to know where we are heading, if it’s serious or if there are plans of getting married. but when our partners don’t even tell us if they have any of these plans then we might have doubts if our relationship is going anywhere. nobody wants to just invest their whole life and acquire nothing from it. in our lives we also want some assurance that we are not wasting time for insignificance, somehow we are also counting on something.

when people don’t search, only then they would find, that’s what most of them say. when we are not expecting it then it comes searching for us. that is love. we often try hard to find it at a time when we thought we ought to have it but the truth is we can never tell. we just have to pray that the good lord guides us in realizing what he has plans for us. to god be the glory.

lovely simbulan is a biyaheng pinoy correspondent currently working somewhere in the middle east. she was a workmate and a very good friend. she will write more for this blog.

1 comment:

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